My second arid zone was the terrifying experience of being a spoiled child. It didn’t seem that way at the time but when I see a control freak of any age it comes back to haunt me.

Mother could not say no to the incessant demands I made on her. The insatiable appetite of a spoiled youngster will bleed his mother dry; and by the law of diminishing returns the harder she tries the worse it gets. As such she was criticised patronised and ridiculed. She failed the impossible task of being an ideal parent (her construct) and probably felt inadequate and sort of guilty for the rest of her life.

This spoiled child syndrome has wide consequences. A Moslem friend Alieu N'Jai explained why Islam finds Christianity such a bore. Seeing Jesus of Nazareth as a saviour allows them to cop out of reality because he, in his death and resurrection is said to take responsibility for them in some magical and irrational way. With that insight we can see Christians as spoiled kids.

Such a kid is an American cotton grower David Griffin. The Independent 3 rd June 05 contrasted his fortunes with those of Micheal Ahinon of Benin , another cotton grower who cannot afford to educate or even feed his family. Cotton Magnate Griffin, spoiled child that he is, knows how make the most of his god given skill to milk the system to the tune of $25m.

He is probably oblivious to the effect his affluence has on his neighbour, and there is no power on earth to bring him to his senses.

In the military refusing an order is the stuff of a courts martial and being shot at dawn. But suppose your boss at work, behaving like the spoiled child he is, insists you act in a way you sense is wrong. You're faced with a dilemma. How to say no when awkward consequences will follow?

How we act is our choice. And if we get shot or never get another job as good as his so be it. As with our attitude to the ideal we need to know our own mind and how we feel and be ready to say no, anything rather than sell ourselves short.

Eight years ago, try as I did, I could not say no in a particular situation. All too often our difficulty is that some where we see a catastrophe lurking, the end of the world will come or god will send a thunderbolt but more likely is that someone or other will be upset.

Against my own better judgement I said I would go. Ultimately my immune system took over and I fell flat on my face on a sidewalk and was in hospital on the day when it all happened, and God didn't send a thunderbolt. Since then I've got something to say to anyone who is as fearful as I was. It's your time and ultimately it's a matter of your choice to do or not to do, to go or not to go.