1. But he doesn't want to, and may walk out and slam the door.
2. Rather than do her head in she begins to sort herself out as in an innovative Connexion (we'll come to later but take a peep)
3. And when, in her own time, she's ready she says so,
4. If he'll talk all well and good and we become unsilenced.
5. If not, maybe try once more.
6. If he still won't risk it and talk she can grin and bear it or use her common sense and cut her losses and move on.

The value of a crisis is that it offers us a chance to become unsilenced.

All too often we're so fearful of what's going on that we deny any attempt to say how we do feel in a critical situation. But a crisis makes sense if we're in it with a friend who insists that we get to what we do feel.

Opinions excuses theories and explanations are a cop out. What makes all the difference is owning the sore feelings that are affecting us, stuff that makes us the people we are.

There are times when a crisis is brewing that we do anything rather than let it happen. By analogy if you want to vomit but it won't quite come try a small teaspoon of sodium bicarbonate in a half cup of water. With the crisis over we feel much better, far better than dreading what might be going to happen.

In a crisis so much is at stake so that we can't see the wood for the trees. Too often we panic whereas Orly's procedure will work but it may take longer than we would prefer. Again we need a confidence that we are loveable, that what we bring to life is good.

But at work the employer, apparently secure in his own mind set, talks at the workforce and takes their emotional labour as being something that women (lesser mortals) are particularly good at. Since it's their nature to bring it as a matter of course he gets that extra over effort for free. And his nose gets out of joint if he is denied what he sees as his due.

We all get into emotional tangles. But if we've been discouraged to speak about things we find uncomfortable threatening or distasteful we may well let sleepings dogs lie and stay silent and hope it will all blow over or that no one will notice.

This when to speak might make all the difference.

And the possibility of being unsilenced is Orly Benjamin's common sense gift to the world.