Four years ago at an 'after Caro' exhibition of contemporary sculpture in Lewes I met Katy Howkins in her final year from Brighton University. This was a study of herself with her back to a cooker on which pans of bubbling liquid were about to boil over. Video

Her commentary is on mess, including emotional mess, and when it has to be cleaned up. The tyranny of obsessive cleaning, a never quite good enough activity was central to her exhibit. And in relationships that can be a killer.

In conversations Janis said her shop had always taken in used wedding dresses. But a new professional management team decided that had to stop and into the skip they went.

That decision hurt the volunteers. Every dress came loaded with memories, each a reservoir of emotions. I pushed the argument and another woman confessed to having two such dresses and hadn't known what to do with them. Deciding to and taking even one to a charity shop was emotional labour on a massive scale but now that can't happen.

The term emotional labour presents real difficulties. A stressed out nurse having to put a brave face on it feels it. In cleaning up emotional spillage or taking a redundant wedding dress to a charity shop the emotional costs can be far reaching. Whatever we call it such activity is emotionally driven. Still emotional labour seems cumbersome.

Yet we all do it and we need that language if we are to talk meaningfully to each other at work and in the family. Else that energy is, as it were, burned off and wasted or buried in resentment. Comments and suggestions welcome.